October 22, 2017, 07:41:50 PM

Author Topic: The fall of the Eerie Kingdom  (Read 1929 times)

ryishu

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
    • View Profile
The fall of the Eerie Kingdom
« on: February 15, 2013, 07:40:35 AM »

Since my kingdom has recently fell I thought I would share my story of the last few days of its life, it was my longest surviving kingdom so far so I thought it deserved some special treatment. :) Enjoy.


It was the beginning of winter, the land was starting to chill and the lives of the gnomes all snug in their burrow was about to change. Small parties of goblins where relentlessly attacking the burrow throughout fall, their piercing bites and frantic swings of their claws took the lives of the old and tired gnomes making room for the young to come and take their places and responsibilities in the kingdom which kept the burrow thriving as without the weak there is only room for the strong.

As winter began the goblins who looked enraged, began sending their most well equipped soldiers, cladded in copper with a eye for revenge. The goblins seemed to have had enough of the slaughter that their race has endured and was ready to end this battle to stop the production of goblin sausages one way or the other. Their forces came in twos, gnashing and rending the gnome gatherers as they came but these gnomes where not harmless, they had a hunger for goblin sausages and wouldn't retreat till they had there fix. Three hours passed and the gnomes with the assistance of the legendary burrow guard fought back the intruders by ripping their hearts out from their throats to ripping their legs from their bodies all in the name of sausages. Winter was beginning to come to a end, the gnomes of the burrow had gorged themselves in fresh goblin for the past weeks in celebration of their victories it was certainly a glorious time for the Eerie Kingdom.

The fresh breeze of spring drifted into the burrow, freeing the sweet smell of wine to float across the lands attracting bears and lizards to come and make a home for themselves in the hills. The burrow guard where training outside the burrow in the valley, mastering their skills at felling enemies with swift blows to the legs when they saw in the distance a strange insectoid creature scouring the lands. That night the guard began to discuss their next actions, after little debate they came to the conclusion they would fell the beast and taste the reward so off the three brave gnomes went over the hills and towards the lake. Oogle spotted the 'mant' as they now called it, named after its appearance of a ant with a massive size. The guard charged towards the mant swinging their huge weaponry at its many legs, the beast took some hits but its carapace was too strong for the gluttonous guards. A fierce battle continued until the mant unleashed its deadly sting into the guard, killing one instantly and giving no choice to the others to flee. The guard managed to reach the nearby hospital before they collapsed in pain, relieved that they had survived the deadly attack but mourning of their fallen brother Oogle.

Night shrouded the land in darkness and the gnomes of the burrow were getting some rest after the recent scare of the guards stories. A loud screech echoed the kingdom waking the gnomes in fear and before they could reach their weapons goblins burst through the burrow entrance looking to conquer the kingdom. The goblins shouted and chanted in their language, they wore banners with a mark different to what the gnomes had seen before. As they plundered the halls, battering the gnomes and stealing their riches another echo screeched and in a flash the burrow was swarmed with mant warriors. The mants and the goblins confronted each other in the hall, even the goblins did not expect to see these dark creatures, the goblins began to fall as their copper armour was crushed and tore from their bodies and soon there was nothing left of them, not even enough meat for juicy sausages.

The gnomes huddled in the hospital as they tried to barricade the entrance but it was in vain, the mants slid through making short work of the couple of healthy gnomes as they tried to defend the injured and weak. The remaining gnomes laid in pain on their straw beds, gazing at the mant as it stood looming over the gnomes. Their gaze soon turned away as the mant began to execute each gnome one by one, the beast did not feel remorse no matter how much the gnomes pleaded and the sting of the beast pierced the necks of every gnome. The Eerie kingdom has fell to the plague of the lands, the unquenchable thirst, the maker of gnome sausages.

Deuteros

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 62
    • View Profile
Re: The fall of the Eerie Kingdom
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2013, 02:12:49 AM »
Nice story, I liked the ending.  The sausage makers become the sausages.  But not at the hands of the goblins!

But, from a technical point of view, there are a few errors in your english.  If those were fixed it would be even better.

ryishu

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
    • View Profile
Re: The fall of the Eerie Kingdom
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2013, 06:15:16 AM »
Yeah my english isn't so great anymore since i've had little reason to write stories etc, i've always had trouble with commas and 'where' 'were' etc even though english is my native language which makes it too easy to pick up bad habbits.

I couldn't resist writing about this world, it was my first encounter with any full attack and I got two at the same time T_T I was hoping to kill the mant scout easy as most people make it sound on these forums but even just that one was owning me haha so the invasion was just overkilll.

Glad you enjoyed the story though, it was a lot of fun to write too for a short story. :)
« Last Edit: February 16, 2013, 06:18:07 AM by ryishu »

Deuteros

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 62
    • View Profile
Re: The fall of the Eerie Kingdom
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2013, 05:38:13 PM »
Habits, not habbits.  I did actually think english was not your first language, because:

had survived the deadly attack but mourning of their fallen brother Oogle.

saying 'mourning of' and the mix of past and present tense are classic mistakes that people from a non english speaking background make.  Maybe you know more than 1 language?

Anyway I'm a very picky person. I did enjoy the story.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2013, 05:51:38 PM by Deuteros »